Naomi, Party of One

I’m about to get extremely personal and I feel incredibly uncomfortable about it.  
            

WARNING- this post has nothing to do with interior design or style of any kind, and it’s quite wordy, so if that’s not your cup of tea, it’s best to stop reading here.


This blog is first and foremost about interior design, but it is also is inherently about me.  My perspective, my experiences, my preferences- personally and professionally.  Recently I’ve been struggling to maintain my excitement for design and keep up appearances that everything is hunky-dory.  The truth of the matter is that I’m heartbroken and all of the surface-level topics I routinely cover  just don’t feel that important.   My boyfriend and I ended our nearly four year relationship last month.  Despite both of us working so hard and having the highest of hopes,  it just didn’t work.  Now I find myself alone, lost and just ridiculously SAD.

Sad to lose the Dream. 
Afraid that it won’t ever come true.  
Worried that something is wrong with me.  
Terrified that I am not enough on my own.


What is it about being alone that is so fucking hard?  Why is it as females, we are taught that we can do anything, be anyone, yet we still measure ourselves by our relationship status?  At 31 I feel like I’m at risk for falling behind for not achieving the title of “wife” and “mother.”  Just “Naomi” doesn’t seem to be enough.  I want for ME to be enough and for the rest to be an amazing bonus.  


I’ve been so fortunate the past few months; My little niece was born, I’ve traveled to Vegas for work.  I revealed Design Manifest projects to much positive response, I’ve gotten a bunch of press.   Crazy good stuff.  Yet at the end of the day, after the roar of the activities has died down, I’m sad.   I feel so deeply alone.   I feel like something is missing in me.


{Me in my Sanctuary}
{I virtually live in that kimono as I feel dressing oneself is overrated}


So now I’m working on breaking that negative mindset.  I’ve elevated ME to my number one priority.  I want to learn how to love and understand myself and allow myself to be happy.  Because I do believe happiness is a choice.  For me it starts with self confidence.  If I trust in myself, I can take on anything.  And it doesn’t matter a bit what anyone else thinks, I have to learn to trust my own voice.  Why is that so hard?  

Other people’s opinions and approval can’t make me happy.  Glowing blog comments won’t change my world.  Maybe for a fleeting moment.   I’ll yelp and dance and Bailey will do his sideways pug face thing and then it will go away.  Design, Boys, Booze, and other distractions fill the void… for just a bit.  In the end it keeps coming back to me; Naomi, Party of 1.  It’s up to me to be my first and favorite soul mate.

There’s me and then there’s YOU.  The second part of my personal quest is my relationship with others.  I’m striving to be more open, more vulnerable, yet also stronger and more confident around people.  I don’t want to fervently hide my imperfections and only show off the sparkly stuff.  Because that doesn’t feel real.  The authentic me is all of it- smart, insecure, awkward, funny, shy, impatient, creative, prideful,  sensitive and weird.  Yep I’m just a big weirdo and I don’t quite feel like hiding it anymore.  In fact I think it would feel amazing to just be myself all the time instead of some role I’ve prescribed myself to play.

I’m working on finding the positive in things.  I may have lost a boyfriend, but I’m gaining a killer yoga practice.  After months of indecision, I can finally go find myself a home and move forward with my life.  I feel extreme gratitude for friends, family, music, pugs, meditation and books with extremely embarrassing titles for filling me with joy, love and wisdom.  I’m just trying to be accepting of my sadness and not trying to cover it up or do a quick fix.   I’m slowly putting the pieces back together and while it still sucks a big fat one, I have faith it will be OK.  Actually I have faith it will be amazing.


And quite honestly, I feel like I’m standing stark naked in a crowded room revealing myself right now.  But it’s quite liberating too.  There’s something so empowering about choosing yourself, rooting for yourself, that’s it’s hard not to be a little happy.  Scared too, of course, but I’m not going to let that hold me back.  While it seems ridiculously personal to share my feelings following a break-up, somehow I think a few of you may relate.  After all, matters of the heart are fairly universal.  Those of you who don’t understand how I am feeling are either extremely lucky or scared.

And with that, though completely terrified, I’m going to hit publish.  3 gold stars to each of you who read the whole thing.  Next week it’s back to design, because despite what I said above, I’m still obsessed and I love the rush of a pretty room.  Thanks for letting me be ME today.



xo
Naomi

  1. Such great advice and support you have been given here. I don’t know if I would have anything more encouraging to say that hasn’t already been said, but thank you for your honesty. It’s hard to put yourself out there like that, but it has to make you feel good that we all get it and admire your honesty. Everything is gonna be all right, it just takes time.

  2. Breakups stink. You’ve gotta grieve before you can move on. Looking back, you may feel it’s all for the best. But at the moment it can’t help but hurt.

  3. YOU are the shit! Such a brave post, one which we all have identified with at one time or another. His loss is going to be another fellas gain. I know you feel like the wind has been knocked right out of you, but try to keep your chin up, girlie. Four years is a long time…

  4. I can imagine how hard it was to hit publish…4 years is a long time to be in a relationship so feel free to morn…you deserve it. That is the thing about blogs…everyone makes it seem like they are “be bopping” along…..la de da.
    Unfortunately life can be a “shit rainbow” sometimes..I hope that this is a period of growth for you…and that someday soon your heart can be filled with love again….you DO deserve it.

  5. Smr

    I finally just remembered to go back and read this. So glad i did. Wow, it’s incredible to see rock bottom in action, working to teach you everything it’s got, fearlessness, the wisdom of suffering and no escape, egolessness, self-compassion… Good stuff. I’m glad you found the brave heart to share the fierce feelings and thoughts that inevitably evolve all of us through life. X and an O

  6. Wow. What a well-written post. At the end of the day, we all want to put our best face forward, but realize that is what EVERYONE is doing. Everyone has struggles, everyone at times feels alone— so you are not alone in this. Kudos to you for making the tough decision to end things. Although it seems like you are on a roller coaster to hell right now, you will come out on the other side so much better and stronger… and I just know that the man of your dreams is wandering the streets looking for you too! The good news is that you can take what you’ve learned from this relationship to perfect your next relationship. Life is a journey.. we are always evolving.

    Cheers to your Party of One… I bet you’ll be surprised at how much fun it can be.

    BIG hugs.
    K.

  7. So everyone has pretty well covered the ‘build you up’ and ‘this too shall pass’ part. And everyone is mostly right – you have so many things that are enviably amazing. But the real deal is that heartache is just the worst and sometimes it takes a very long time to come through the pale. Everyone has experienced it at some point but somehow it feels all the more acute when it comes at a point in life when you feel you should already be well entrenched in a relationship.

    I was devastated at 26 after a 4-yr relationship ended in part to his infidelity (with whom he promptly married and had a child). And again at 30 when I came to the realization that my best friend and incidentally, the love of my life, did not feel the same way. In both cases, it was devastation nation for me. So much invested (and precious) time. I was so wounded that I didn’t know where my next breath would come from because in both cases I felt like a failure and that I was being rejected for who I was (or conversely for who I wasn’t) and that somehow I had missed the marriage boat that all of my friends had boarded. The second time was all the more difficult because in order to breath and function, I ended up leaving a city I was very much in love with and leaving behind all my dearest friends. And I was 30. And moving home. The process was supremely painful and humiliating but ultimately liberating. I have found that my greatest personal breakthroughs have come on the heels of a devastating break up. And let’s face it, heartbreak does wonders for your waistline. So, all this to say, I know what you are feeling. It is ok to feel what you are feeling. Eventually, you will feel it a little less with each passing day.

  8. Big hugs, sista. Beyond the pain you’re going through right now, your overarching worry — can we really have it all? — is something I can’t stop thinking about either. Not so much about whether we can, but that as women, we put so much goddamned pressure on ourselves to have it. Which means that even when we do have it, we can’t enjoy it because we’re so hung up on wanting something else we don’t have.

    All I can think to tell you are lame platitudes like “this too shall pass.” They’re platitudes for a reason though…in this case, it’s true. Hang in there! And know we’re all right there with you. xo, vmac

  9. Aw Nay, I didn’t get a chance to read this on Friday. There I was posting about the 60 year old marriage my grandparents have and you being sad wondering if you’ll ever find the one. Here I am in a happy marriage myself yet I get sad because I don’t quite have the success, say, you have. Never did I think you’re one to be insecure because I look at your work with such bold, amazing choices. I fell in love with your stile the second I stumbled on your blog. Being an inspiration is definitely something to be happy about, and though it’s okay to feel sad and it’s courageous of you to let your guard down with your readers, just know how proud you should be of yourself for how far you’ve come being YOU. One day you’ll reflect on your relationship and you’ll see how much you learned about yourself and you might even be happy with this solo time you had for more learning and growing. Big hugs, Irene

  10. I get three gold stars (c; And I get to tell you that as much as you think you’re hiding that big weirdo that you are, we all love you because we get to see glimpses of *THAT* person, not the perfectly polished, impeccably styled interior decorater. Those are a dime a dozen, but you my dear, are an original and I’m sending you bloggy hugs for 1) your breakup (those suck) 2) your bravery (it’s hard to be real on the blog, isn’t it?) and 3) because you’re amazing and you’re beginning to see that yourself (c; Cheers, friend! xoxo

  11. Well, I’m sure there’s nothing I can say that others haven’t already said better, but one thing to know is that the voice of the Naomi that comes through on your blog is confident about design, funny, and SOOO interesting, so you are already on your way. As other’s have said, enjoy this time that is just about you, grieve for your loss, and then look to the future. And thank you for this insight into your life. I can tell you are someone who strives for authenticity (if you have ever done the Myers-Briggs personality type, I am sure you are some kind of NF!) , so it is probably important for you to not feel like you are being phony and upbeat when you are really hurting. The best is yet to come!

  12. I wish you the best! I know things will work out for you. Good luck!

  13. You are so brave and insightful girl! Having been through a similar situation, just know you are going to look back on this shift years from now and be thankful for it. There is nothing worse than staying in something that isn’t working. You are going to come out of this so much stronger.
    You have such the right attitude and I know brighter things lay ahead for you… and as weird as this sound, enjoy this “me” time- it truly is a gift. I learned more about myself during these times- and I decorated and painted like a bitch to cope, so my apartment never looked better!
    Thinking of you
    xo
    Danika

  14. Girl, you’ve got it goin’ on! You are such a catch and don’t ever forget that. I think this time where you focus on yourself, getting killer legs from yoga, etc., will be amazing to look back on. Stay positive 🙂

  15. Please don’t ever feel the need to be anyone but you! I (like everyone here) love Naomi, just the way she is, all of it. I can see now this is all making sense and ties in with our work together. You are amazing because you are unique, and I want to be sure we highlight that as much as possible. As you say, time to stop trying to be someone you think you should be. When you trust yourself it always rocks bc it comes from the real you. I hope this post has been liberating for you — I feel like this is just the beginning. xoxo

  16. Tara

    Just want to add my little “here, here” to your post. I understand the fretting and the longing for yourself and for someone else. Know that you are cared for! And as it turns out for so many of us, the moment we are most broken, and the moment when we feel we will find ourselves failed, is the moment when our pieces are picked up and put back together in some way, somehow. Much love to you!

  17. P.S, He didn’t deserve you anyway!

  18. just around the corner is a rainbow just for you! This was a very powerful post. It is really hard to put your self out there but you did it my friend. I have been through a divorce and loss of a child. At the time I thought I would die but it is true that what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger. Be excited about the possibilities on the horizon not the disappoints from the past! Hang in there! We are all rooting for u!

  19. Kudos to you for keeping it real! One thing that has always turned me off from the design world is the pressure to have the perfect house, the perfect image, etc, etc. That is never achievable- thanks for baring it all- I think that honest post just made you my favorite blogger! Besides, owning your grief allows you to get over it and move past it…when I ended a six year relationship I thought I’d never find that happiness again…I focused on me and my career and in the meantime attracted my soulmate from just doing ‘me’….now married for ten years that breakup was the best thing I ever did for myself…”Naomi Party of One” sounds like the best guest list. Good luck and I’m excited to see what future you create for yourself! (BTW- Revenge exercise and a kick-ass body always helps sweeten a break-up! lol)
    Joanne @ Homestyling101

  20. Lori

    Real authenticity takes guts, and authenticity in all aspects of life is what truly creates a whole, peaceful, full existence. You are obviously most of the way there:) Keep the focus on building the self that feels right to you, and the partner who best supports that Naomi will be drawn into your world. Best of everything to you, hang in there!

  21. It’s YOUR party, cry if you want too. This too shall pass, believe me! Before you know it!

    In the the meantime, do YOU! WhateVer that is!

    Hugs!
    LBDH

  22. Naomi, you are very brave to be so honest. No matter how happy and well-adjusted our blogs make us seem, we all have struggles at whatever point we are in life. Keep your chin up. This is a season of transition, and there are lots of wonderful things ahead for you and your talented self.

  23. You already have strong confidence in self to put your personal shit out there to read. Very brave.
    As I age, I realize thats my most important virtue–knowing myself, who I like, who I don’t, where I want to go in the next chapter. You will get there, gurl. You will wake up one morning {in that fab kimono} and realize, it’s time to move forward. It may take many ladies nights out, comfort foods and cocktails (yes!), but as is said…time heals…

  24. A comforting word of encouragement is very little in comparison to what you are gong through, but nonetheless I offer it from the bottom of my heart. Poor sweet thing. Hang on, latch on to pieces of hope and small happy moments and hopefully the sun will shine again very soon. xoxo v.

  25. Wendy C

    Like many others, I think you’ve been brave in writing this post & it certainly has resounded with many people. Good on you!
    My only thought is that what seems to work is focusing on the moment & on the day and putting one foot in front of the other. And when this has happened over sometime you will have processed and grieved and then come to another place.
    People are kind when they say time will heal…. but you may well feel like it never will & people aren’t reall y feeling your pain. So this is when the moment by moment routines ,day by day actions will support you through this time & your healthy search for “you”
    Take care.

  26. Leah

    wanted to respond to this all day! from one weirdo to another, I really relate. it sounds like you are doing what you need to do to get through this and really learn/grow as much as possible in the process! I went through a very similar situation when I was 30. it was probably one of the toughest things I ever went through, but I learned so much from it. you are super brave to put it out there and it is truly appreciated! thanks for sharing your struggles AND triumphs with us!

  27. Cathy

    I am so proud of you for telling it how it is. Hopefully you feel a bit better after getting it off your chest. You have a lot on your mind and I truly hope that if you keep feeling like this that you go and see your Dr. and if that Dr. does nothing then find another. All to often people think that feeling so sad and depressed is nothing to worry about, well they are wrong! Please do not ever think that the way you feel is not important and that you are not important. I unfortunately know all to well how that feels like. It is so important that do not just shove it aside. As those feelings come back with a vengeance.
    Remember that you are a talented woman worth the moon and the stars. My thoughts are with you.

  28. Fiona

    Hey, I’ve been there–and I’m sorry you are there. When I was 30, I had just broken up with a guy who was EXACTLY who I had envisioned myself marrying one day. But you know what? He wasn’t right in other ways.

    It will all work out for you (it did for me), although maybe not on your ideal schedule. Good luck to you!

  29. I am so sorry to hear of all your troubles, Naomi – there are times that absolutely SUCK, and the only thing I can really say to you is IT WILL GET BETTER. Maybe not tomorrow, but give yourself time to heal, to learn to trust yourself and your voice. You are incredibly talented and – just from lurking around on your blog – I gather a friggin’ cool chick to boot. Some dude will sweep you off your feet when you least expect it…but not that you need it, because YOU are awesome with or without a +1.

  30. thanks for sharing your truth. we all need to do that more. we’re your biggest fans. donna

  31. Oh, Naomi. Life is hard and oftentimes sucks. I have no great words of advice, other than I know you will come through this with flying colors. Being yourself is all you need to be and you’ll be perfect. Thanks for sharing this with us.

  32. “I’m slowly putting the pieces back together and while it still sucks a big fat one, I have faith it will be OK. Actually I have faith it will be amazing.”

    Life is frigging hard. But I wanted to share with you something my therapist (who I started seeing last year after my dad left my mom after 32 years of marriage!) helped me realize…

    Problems are fleeting. The problems you have now will NOT be the problems you will have forever. They will not be the problems you have three months from now. No matter what happens, life will keep going and the problems will change and hopefully go away altogether. It takes time. And it’s hard to wait, believe me, I get it. But it really does get better.

    I have faith it will be amazing. And I can’t wait to follow along to see how it all turns out 🙂

  33. “For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

    – F.Scott Fitzgerald

  34. all i have to say is that if what you put on your blog is just one facet of yourself, it is one KILLER facet and the whole naomi is just even cooler. keep putting yourself first, i learned that the hard way and it really is the only way to go! and yoga helps, too 🙂

  35. If I was there I would give you a hug. You’ve got the right attitude and I know great things will continue to happen for you. If you ever feel low, re-read this post out loud to yourself. It really is an inspiration! 🙂

  36. Jessica

    This is a very beautiful and courageous post – and you are a beautiful and courageous woman! What you have asked for and what you have committed to yourself – being yourself and loving yourself is all the strength you will need on this journey. And what you learned from your last relationship will spur you on toward something even greater when you are ready. Congratulations!

  37. Naomi, I am so glad you were you today. We are all here because we like you! I am so sorry for the loss you went through, but know you are going to find someone incredible you completes you and will be your forever partner. xo

  38. I don’t know what else to say that hasn’t already been said in the other comments. I just wanted to show my support, and understanding. Been there. It gets better. Keep truckin’.

  39. thanks for posting this. every woman has or will go though the emotions you described. powerful stuff.

  40. Hi Naomi,

    This is the first time I’ve commented here – I love your blog (oh so pretty):)
    I think a lot of women have found themselves in the same boat as you at one point or another, myself included. It’s hard, and anyone who says it differently isn’t being truthful. Use this time to do something you may have always wondered about, but never done because you were part of set – have you always wanted to travel to a far away place? Seriously consider it. Wanted to learn how to make sushi, paint, do woodworking? Look into it 🙂
    There will be a time when it starts to get easier and that time frame is different for everyone. Don’t stress about being sad:)

    Michelle

  41. Thanks guys!! I’m completely in awe (though not at all surprised) at how insightful, compassionate and wonderful my readers are. Big kisses to all of you.

  42. I went through a very similar experience at the exact same age. I felt like I would never be married or have kids. I struggled to come to terms with that and there was a turning point. I actually became okay with that idea and looked forward and onward. The second my mindset changed and I felt that inner peace along came my now husband and 15 years, 2 kids and 1 pug later I know it was because I learned to love myself first. You can do it Naomi.

  43. you rock naomi. you are really brave and refreshingly inspired.

  44. Naomi,
    40 is staring me down and I can tell you it really does get better: “The hardest thing is becoming yourself,” is so true. Find your mantra (remember when Ally McBeal had a theme song?) and repeat.repeat.repeat. You’ve reached all of “us” somehow – hey, you saved me from completely caving to my 8-year decorator-daughter and that purple wall! 🙂 You deserve time to just “be”!

  45. I’ll echo all of the sentiments here. Many if not most of us have been a party of 1 at some point. Embrace it! It may seemed forced for now, but one day you will wake up and it will no longer be. I made myself just “be” in the day to day and pushed myself to take up some never- would type adventurers alone- a trip abroad, sit down meals in nice restaurants, etc… It won’t always be painful. I look at these as some of the greatest times I’ve ever had. You will too.

  46. kati

    Hi, there. I’ve been silently reading your blog for some time now, and I haven’t felt confident or worthy enough to leave a comment regarding design. You all seemed to have that part covered. But weird, well, I’m an expert on that. And loneliness, sadness, etc., has been a part of my life for many years. I struggle with it, and as a classic over-sharer I get judged for it, too. Which took me a long, long time to accept. Learning to really be with yourself, and be okay with that is a process. I went through a similar struggle beginning with a break-up in my mid-late 20s, and it wasn’t easy. At all. I’m glad you’re able to understand that you need to allow yourself time to just feel bad. Sometimes you need to let it all out – art therapy, ice-cream therapy, loud music and cheap beer therapy, whatever – before you can let anything new in.

    I wish you every happiness, and hope that this journey proves as educational and life-changing as mine was. Not that my journey is over – far from it. I hope that you feel the support from we invisible folks who get it, who’ve been there, and who understand what it feels like to feel shattered, optimistic, absolutely blue, and enthusiastic about the future, all at once.

    But you know what they say: no matter where you go, there you are. May you find your peace within yourself, and feel the love from the world around you.

    xoxo

  47. Awww hugs to you, my friend! Break-ups are the worst. It’s totally ok to spend time grieving something that you had so much time and so many memories with. I find that if you let yourself indulge in what is really YOU and the things you love, the right fella will come along. In the meanwhile, I think you’re on the right track investing in your own happiness and confidence. Wish we could all come cheer you up with a girl’s night out!

  48. This is a lovely, heartwarming, and candid post. Thanks for sharing your feelings. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  49. So proud of you lady. You’re amazing and an inspiration. 🙂 Everyone has been there at some point in their lives. It’s how you get through it and see the positive that makes you a strong person. You are strong!!! Even in weak moments. That’s what I keep telling myself. It will all work out for the best.

  50. Bravo! Hard to be honest with oneself but yet so liberating! I am sorry you are going through all of this though. You know, even being married and a mom you tend to lose yourself and it is a struggle to keep real to yourself, stay confident, feel sparkly, etc. But I find blogging {despite some of its negativities} has been a way to find me, it is mine, my ideas, my creativity, not my families or my husband’s.

    Enjoy your party of one, live it up, party hard, put yourself first! Happiness is a choice and a mindset….

  51. Starting over is scary and awful and sad – I’m sorry you’re going through it, and I’m sending you good vibes!

  52. Sometimes its good to be sad and to dwell on it for a bit. To really feel it and understand it, to cry and just let it out because it is only after really feeling it and understanding it that you can rise above it and past it without looking back. You are so talented and brave and unique I have no doubt you will find the right person to share your life with. In the meantime pamper yourself. Truly I mean like go get ice creams in the middle of the day, take bubblebaths and little by little you will surpass this. Onward an upward.xx

  53. Brielle

    Rooting for you! I’ve been there too. Sharing a quote that helps remind me put “me” first:

    “We have to learn to be our own best friends because we fall too easily into the trap of being our own worst enemies.”
    – Roderick Thorp

  54. According to my Pinterest account, weird is rad, and couldn’t agree more. We all have that weirdo living inside us (at least I do!) and I think the more we can accept her, the better off we are. Cheers to you for taking a leap of faith, and hugs to help mend your broken heart. I know without a doubt that you’ll come out of this stronger, more fierce than you already are, and with a life that was created solely by you. I’ll also say that, even though I have the wife and mommy title, I still struggle to find fulfillment myself. It’s always about finding the truth inside of us, no matter where we are in life. Lots of love to you Naomi! PS- that pic is gorgeous!

  55. anita

    The really good news is that the sadness will subside and you’ll be left with a resounding sense of self.

    I have always believed that it is better to be alone than in the wrong relationship….

    Hang in there; let the grief process take the time it needs (and it will take time) and know that this too shall pass.

    Surround yourself with joy.
    (And keep writing so we can buoy you while you need it.)

    xo

  56. Erin

    I am rooting for you, too — not that you need it. You’re going to be just fine. Better than fine!

    And if you refuse to get dressed some days, and prefer to crumble up in a (beautifully decorated) corner and put on your sadface, that’s ok too. That just makes you human.

    Well, human with a beautifully decorated corner.

  57. You my dear are so incredibly courageous, funny as hell and crazy talented. I admire you so much for sharing those feelings with the world. I know from experience how hard it is to hit publish on these posts… I know that shit hurts, but good thing is you seem to have a very positive outlook on the situation. Just take the time to heal and try to have a little fun doing it… Sounds cheesy but all things happen for a reason, they really do. The best is yet to come and I know there are crazy great things in store for you!

    I miss your crazy self – maybe a weekend away in Montreal would do you some good? 😉

  58. Lady!! You are awesome and brave.

    Absolutely relish this life you now have…roll around in it (in your kimono, natch).

  59. Oh my sweetness…I read every word and like every one else, I promise I can relate. It’s hard sometimes to keep up ‘bloggy appearances’ when all you feel is sadness… I’ve felt the same and feel very proud of you for being such a brave voice. I promise that in being alone, you’ll find your strength and that better days are just around the corner. Thinking of you and sending big virtual hugs – xoxo

  60. I too echo the sentiment of 1) I know exactly what you’re talking about, how you feel. I’ve been there. and 2) It is NOT what is written for you. There is a greater plan, and even though you can’t see it right now, the exact right person is wallowing in his own loneliness waiting for Naomi to come into his life. We just never know where/ when. For now, do you! I always found making a “Men are bastards” mix with angry chick music, working out to get a hot bod, and bonding with my girlfriends made that post-breakup period fly by. and then one day, you wake up, go through your day, and realize later that afternoon, “Holy shit, I haven’t even thought about ___ yet today.” And that’s when you’ve moved forward. Good luck. xoxo

  61. and i ditto everything you said about showing yourself to this (blog) community.

    *chants* more real! more real!

  62. that shit be hard, yo. i’m so sorry to hear that things have ended….but you know what they say about doors and windows…. 🙂

    the cool part is that you already know what to do. you’re giving yourself permission to grieve, you’re positive and intent on rediscovering YOU, and you DO realize that you are spectacular, right? it’s lame and cliche, but everything really does play out exactly the way it’s supposed to.

    you know where you should visit if you need a weekend away….. 🙂 oxoxox

  63. Naomi you are so amazing for posting this. We all try to maintain a facade of always happy and always excited but the truth is sometimes you get sad. I admire you for posting this. You’ll get through it and it’s super hard and sad but look at all you have accomplished! I really admire that. Look at all the support you’ve received and press and amazingness. I just became and Aunt too and it’s amazing. Let me know when and if you’re back in NYC and we should meet up again! Do something nice for yourself this weekend! xoxo Alicia B.

  64. We are all struggling in different ways but most of us aren’t brave enough to put it out there in the universe. You did and you will be better for it. Hugs and Kisses and well wishes for you. MB

  65. Ashley

    Oh, my dear, how I love and appreciate you all the more for posts like these. It’s funny and dangerous how we let whatever we don’t have at the moment (be it a relationship, a job, a home, close friendships, etc., etc.) take precedence over all of the things we do have. The feeling of “but I still don’t have THAT” is a hard one to shake.

    Don’t let yourself belittle what you DO have, what you HAVE accomplished. Sure, a relationship would be nice and important…and you’ll get there. It just hasn’t happened yet. Instead of being mired in sadness (which is so easy–I know), just know that your honesty here (and talent, obviously) has endeared you to so many people.

    Sending lots of love to you, my dear!

  66. René

    Thank you! Your timing was perfect as I have had my own recent struggles. So proud of you – well said!

  67. nelya

    YOU are awesome! Just think how amazing it is to have so many possibilities before you. Really, do you understand the scope of that? You can do anything. Life is not scripted and there is no path that you have to follow, despite the timeline that we seem to feel we must step into. I’m 39, you know the status of my family and relationship situation. I couldn’t be happier with the role and life I lead, but those choices have dictated a certain path and other paths have been necessarily put on hold. So you’re doing it a different way, so what! Everything you do makes you the unique and wonderful Naomi that you are. There’s no “right” way, there’s only your way!

  68. Every single one of us can relate. We may be at different points in our lives, but being blog readers/social media junkies, we expose ourselves to the edited clips of others’ lives – instead of the not-as-pretty behind the scenes.
    I think you’re wise to give yourself space – time to grieve.
    You will come out stronger, more sure of who you are – and we, your virtual friends will be here.
    Take Care,
    ag

  69. Is it weird that I want to give you a high five after that post? I’ve been there where are and it turned out to be the turning point – because once I got out of a situation that really wasn’t right it opened me up to where I really should be. I became more ‘me’ in the process, if that makes sense. I think we all lose a bit of ourselves when we’re in relationships… the trick is being aware of that and finding someone who changes you less so you stay true to the real you. Sounds like you’re on the way to finding who that Naomi is. It takes a lot of strength and self-awareness to write the things you just did. Affirming those things and being willing to shout ‘this is who I am’ just brings those meant to be with you even closer. Just watch and see! xo.

  70. Emily

    Naomi, I love your blog for it’s design content and never have time to comment. Just read this and good for you! Blogs often show the bright side of things when more is going on. Best of luck to you and i guarantee every day will get better!

  71. Julie

    I love Melissa’s words to you! Allow yourself the time you need to be sad. Don’t feel bad about being sad amongst all the other good things going for you–it’s a journey and a new chapter. Followers love your talent and what you share–and they are going to love that you opened your heart and were so expressive and real. Ride the wave. We’ll support your journey. Julie at Simply Savvy

  72. Pass the Kleenex as I pass you a big hug. You my friend, are amazing, beautiful, talented, funny, and well, you have a kick ass dog.

    It is hard to be yourself all of the time, I find people have a perception and an expectation of you from being one, behind a blog, and two being in the field we are in. We may of only had a few (so not enough) interactions in NYC but I was drawn to you instantly and I think it is the fact that there is am amazing girl there…no breakup is easy, but it will help you grow and it will lead you to other things. Every situation, person, encounter I believe leads you to where you are supposed to be. Take this blimp on the map of life and go with it, you will rock it…and be awesomeballs. 😉 xoxo

  73. Ah, Naomi, heartbreak is a bitter antidote that only prepares you for complete bliss one day. A necessary evil. One day you’ll look back at this breakup and indeed, this post, and wonder, wtf? I can’t believe I cared about that dude that much. You were brave enough to publish this and that speaks volumes about the kind of person you are and what’s in store for you. Thanks for sharing and for keeping it real aka not faking the funk like so many of us do in this blogosphere.

  74. Wm

    Don’t fret that you’re 31 and in this position. We are all exactly where we need to be at the exact right moment. Let that give you grace and gratitude in addition to your understandable sadness and fear.

    Though we think we have it all figured out at 16 and 19 and 22, there is so much learning and growth we encounter in our later 20s.

    You are just now fully forming into who you are, and aware of what is good for you and right for you. 31 year old Naomi is kinder and wiser and truer than any previous Naomi.

    You’re set up for the best to still come! You have things to look forward to instead of all your big days (first kiss, engagement ring, wedding day) being all behind you.

    Your rest is still Unwritten, like Lauren Conrad’s theme song said!

    -Will
    http://www.atreasuryof.com

  75. The same thing happened to me when I was 29. And if you’d have told me that – alone – I’d go to Japan, to Brazil, to Cuba, to Mexico, to Morocco, that I’d end up living in a new country by 10 years later, I wouldn’t have believed you. All I wanted was the past. So you’re allowed to mourn and to grieve it, because a relationship is like a child you’ve nurtured. But you’re a woman and therefore you’re a master of keeping smiling. I think you’ll have hundreds of comments on this and everyone will agree with me xx

  76. I cried when I read this. Good tears because I admire your strength and resiliency. I’ve been there and know it all too well. I wish you the absolute best!

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